I Feel Fine, She Says Protandim Good

Under construction………………..

When you ask your X-girlfriend if they are ok, this is what they will say, “I feel fine, I am enjoying spending time by myself”.

Although, humans behavior is actually not to be alone or to look away from other humans. Humans are like birds, they stay in flocks, this is the glue that binds the family together. Something that develops from are birth cycle, we rear are young when lizards, snakes and reptilians tend to abandon eggs or eat them.

By diminishing the nerve pulses, which is what protandin does, than you turn bird flock people into hiding lizards. You don’t see 5 lizards lounging around in a few arm chairs at the pool. This is because lizards are not raised in a family structure with a leading figure “mom” who shows you the path in life.

The greatest social quality of Rain, is she was active in the community, a community activist and accustom to receiving many opinions, from as many sources, as she could manage. Often she would ask me what I thought of this or that topic or that. You could say she was a fact finder by nature and was constantly collecting information, to later balance. This is how she processed an opinion at a later time, very open to any out come. She would never just take one point of view on a topic, she always wanted community input, many sources and opinions. When she refused to even look at the research on Protandim, it was clear that I was dealing with a different Rain. The new Rain’s outlook, appeared to me now, as singularly focused, one thought process driven, poisoned and brainwashed by a religious cult; to now be an active member.

In Protandim, we might be looking at the herbs used to make a nerve poison, which helped trap people into a church and system of beliefs. It is also possible, this is the same nerve toxin that the Jehovah Witness and other cults have been utilizing for years. This single focus would help trap people into their system of beliefs and make it effortless. Some of these churches require large donations; some require you to give them all your money to the church. This is the only way you can explain the changes, in one of Rain’s best personality quality and intellectual platform. I think these church have been lacing Sunday cakes for decades with Milk Thistle and the Bacopa flower. Removing the good judgment of the victim so the personal family wealth can be pillaged.

Rain had a favorite pair of earrings, which I saw her wear on every occasions. Although their value is not great, silver not gold, she really liked them, and they nicely framed her face. These earrings are still here, she had no desire to pick them up, even though she is less then 1/2 a mile away from me, two times a week. I told her they were here, come get them and she could have without any effort picked them up. To her the items were of great wealth and after Protandim, suddenly they lost all personal value. We have all herd stories of normal people, who functioned at a normal capacity, suddenly acting irrationally, joining these cults and giving all their money to the cult and Protandim might be the toxic poison used to facilitate this indoctrination.

Think this is farfetched, well have you ever heard of the Vodoun voodoo witch doctors of Haiti being accused of creating REAL HUMAN ZOMBIES, or the WALKING DEAD. There were even many films and documentaries made on this very topic. The Santeria religion, also known as Regla de Ocha, La Regla Lucumi or Lukumi a mix of magic and  Roman Catholic church beliefs have also been attached to such stories. These religions are the very ones who use create puppets and then stab them with needles and pins. This being a spiritual force used to deliver pain and reparation to their victim.

The Vodoun and Santeria zombies, are created to serve their master, their victim must be altered to mentally have a single or singular focus. These black magic witch doctors implemented a nerve toxin, apparently brewed from the nerve toxin in blow fish. It is said that, it paralyzed the victim, slowed the heart rate and level of respiration to the point they even seemed dead to local medical doctors. Communities have buried these victims and the voodoo doctor that night would dig them back up. Years later, the victim who was documented as buried by the community, suddenly re-appeared, but with very low conjunctive function, remembering nothing and unable to speak. Blow fish poison permanently damages the nerves, and these people are a shallow reminders of what they once were. Void of personality and character.

Many figures in the Roman church have used poison to gain power and wealth through outs its history, but I am also finding stories of Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses, who have been accused of the same method to obtain control over the governance of congregation. When a swords man attacks with a sword, religious figures seem to always attack with a potion of poison.

In out relationship, I never use the word “NO”, the word “NO” to me translates as, “well maybe”. Not once in out relationship, did I ever use the word, but instead I applied statements like, “might work”, “might be ok”, even if I know, the house just might fall down. I hate the word “NO”, it is my most hated word. This whole world seems to be filled with so many NOs. When I realized, this protandim was bad medicine and applied the word, “NO” for the first time in our relationship. She responded by saying, I am not coming off the protandim. I changed my position to a weaker one and plead just give me 30 days to do my research and now she returns at me with my most hated word again, “NO”. I think the trust between us actual broke here, this is when the zombie reared its ugly face. Rain was so singularly focused, she could no longer digest any community input.

We were not talking at this point but exchanging messages, texting. Once the protandim hit her hard, I never saw her again. I dropped off some chocolate, her bike, a bag of fresh ground coffee, even a cake, but a face to face, she could not and would not do. These gifts were so I could do some evaluations of her changing personality. The last time, I did see her, there was a lot of staring off into space and I noticed she refused to make eye contact on a few occasions. Gifts were a great idea to do some fact finding, but I could never track her down. She was allusive and avoided all face to face contact.

For the first two weeks I did see her and once, the effects started, I kept telling her she has changed, she needs to stop taking this. She did make one a very intellectually stimulating statement, and then tossed her cognitive ability at me, saying, see I am still the same person.

Of the two pictures I have seen of her since, she is hiding from the camera.  Protandim makes people hide from cameras apparently, which I think shows signs of clinical depression. Before I understood this was a toxin, I asked if I could perform a psychological evaluation in one of my messages, some 30 questions, for the sake of science, which was refused. Text message dated 5/14/2012, “no I will not, please stop posting on my wall….your negative comments”. Rain’s message is almost dyslexic because Rain should have said and would have said otherwise, “please stop posting your negative comments on my wall”. Even in her messages, I was noticing very clear changes; this was a different person now.

On 5/14/2012 I received a text saying “I am busy today and I really don’t want to talk about Protandim”. Then later that night……”you are making me nervous and I don’t feel comfortable with your actions”. This was the last text recorded on my phone but I believe we spoke once after where she refused to stop taking the poison. She literally fought me over taking the poison and hide so I would not mention the obvious changes to her personality and demeanor.

I feel bad having to inform her family and friends because it placed my lady friend under so much outside pressure. This was a pivotal moment, I released I had done all I can do. My intervention was over, someone else had to begin, step in. This is when I called in the stupid hounds of hell, and continued to write and edit this document almost 27/7, to help them understand the grave situation, which I was still actively deciphering. This poison stuff was going to stop, stop here and now, and I was going to make myself very clear. I was not going to let her poison her family and entire community; all her friends with this nerve agent.

………………………………………………………………edit below

We had one fight, during our relationship and it was over complete nonsense, well at least to me. We happen to drive by a rough couple walking down the middle of the road, in a heated fight. To me, I saw two people who were addicted to drugs and fighting over either the next fix or other bad behavior. The fight started because I said, “aint my shit, I do not get between a pimp and his strung out whore”. This to my lady friend was an abomination, and she found me somewhat un-human.

Well, she would not, drop this topic, the thought of me, leaving some helpless girl, to the heavy hand of her pimp made me no better than them. She stated that she would do something, try and do something and would not stand by and do nothing. You could say, my opinion of her is extremely high, so when something bad happened to her, I had no choice but to step in and uncover every possible abstract motive. She needed my help, even though she did not know it.

In this blog, I did exactly what she taught me to do and would force me to do, against my carefree will. We had are one fight over this very topic. Do I help and do I look the other way, how far do I go. Although my X is now much different than before, huddled in some lonely room, void of light and unimaginably sad, I feel the old girlfriend right next to me. She is here in spirit, somehow forcing me to write this document and warn everyone of this community of the hazard, she failed to avoid. When I write, I even feel her close, there might be hope one day, she will be her old self and value this document.

She considered herself and even described herself as a Health Advocate. A community Health Advocate, this she has now forces me to do for her. I tell you, when you are touched by an angle, immense opposition is no force.

I actually grew fond of this quality she had, where by helping people was not even questioned. And, never again did, I open my big mouth over this topic. Is it possible some of her good qualities rubbed off on me, I cannot say. If this happened to anyone else, I might have done nothing to be honest. But, these midwives seem to have all of the best human qualities and none of the bad ones. I got bad ones, I know I do, but I like to think I was still learning and socially growing.

Rains understanding of social, cultural, and community topics on a intricately complex level, often left me with no response, she was always right and I could not add quality and was just forced to say, I agree. She was unmatched in the evaluating the social sciences, in the applied sense. And this is why I called her a pillar to her community.

When it was easy for me to block people into different groups of idiots, even my own group, she would force me to pull down these walls. So, I kinda, learned not, to say the wrong thing here or there, or I would get no love that night. This being the one thing she would not tolerate even in the constants of a meaningless joke. Jokes have meaning, what are you implying?

It is very rare to go into a house and find an equal number of brown Indians painted on the walls with pale Indians. She was a painter and her work brought forth beauty in what the media considered, human features that were not considered beautiful. I was fascinated by this and spent long periods gazing upon this art and attempting to understand it. Not in an artistic sense, but in a social cultural sense, this to me seemed so right and on a different expansive level which I did not even consider needed to exist.

When my mind is more calculating, rhythmical engineered and sterile, her mind was free flowing, fluid and held reason and compassion.  I could not lose the mind of this person, she meant something very important to her community. If Protandim just effected her looks, well looks fade, but her mind was my treasure, since she could do things with it, my mind failed to produce and abstract.

These midwives are not the people to mess with. If you think about it, they reach into the human body and turn a bloody baby head, so it can smoothly leave the womb. They are strong, tenacious, resourceful and if you get on their bad side, can be rough and relentless. They stay, with their patient to the end and provide the love, kindness and support, which I have no comparable talent, skill or will power. I am not sure if I am more afraid of my X, or the Mormon cult. When her mind is set, it is hard to change.

I also cannot report on if she has stopped taking the poison or verify what nerve damage was done over the exposure period. Is the toxin damage permanent or temporary? Every morning at 10AM I send my X a text message not to take the poison, I somehow fear she is still taking it. I never get a text back.

You figure someone would at least thank you for helping their sister, mom and friend. If someone told me a family member was having a reaction to some med or supplement, I would have the decency to say thank you Mr Good Samaritan. Even as a victim, so far nothing, I have heard nothing. I cannot report on the outcome. If she has come off the nerve toxin or not. I wanted nothing more than to kick in her door and rip this poison out of her hand, but where does that land me, away from my computer and this blog.

When people have bad reactions to meds, relationships end first, work problems appear than car accidents, pretty much in that order.  You could say, I was emotionally distraught at this point knowing the order of future events. And, than betraying her trust and going behind her back, wow, I felt evil. I asked for none of this and I responded in my natural way, which is a apparently a strange, awkward, dark, sarcastic and angry which I have not learned to manage well. If I had this blog written at the start, things would have gone so much smoother, intervention more likely would have worked. You do the right thing, under laws of decency and due diligence and your the bad guy.

Holy shit, talked to a family member today, I forgot I had their number in my phone. I was so excited, but they were under the impression “I want to get back with her”. They were quick, blunt and did not want to talk. Hung up on me, in fact. I asked if she stopped taking the drug and got no, definitive response, a little yes and a little no and a little maybe and then the phone went dead.  If I expressed anything in this blog, it is, that it is not possible to be with someone who is on or has taken this drug. I refer to their state of mind as a Zombie and named the blog accordingly. I am more upset, that she will not be able to find happiness, love and passion in her life, be it with anyone. And, that these changes could be long term.

It is very possible that she has convinced her family that everything I did was to get “back with her” or” back at her”. This might be the biggest sign of a reduction of intellectual capacity. Believe me, this is not the case, I hated doing everything. The thought of not getting her off this toxin, is horrible. She put this toxin in her mouth, had a bad reaction would not stop and this is a predictable outcome; things go bad to wost.

The immature reaction, “you want to get back with her” is at the very sole of why the family failed to intervene. If I sound like a prepubescent teen or a 20 year old full of testosterone, I assure you take is not the case. My levels of testosterone are extremely low, I have to wake up and pee every night, my years get short and time moves fast. My days near there end, what I do with these last days, is only help my little friend. I do what she would want me to do before she emotionally  changed. This is a gift I am giving back to her now for the vast intellectual understanding I learned from her.

If you do not like mt blog, you have every right to right one yourself, I am sure there are many excuses you could formulate but the facts stand. I never gave up and tried everything possible. Wish I got mom on board at the start. Her on my side, releases me of any, “get her back” thing that I would face. It all 20 20 backwards and hard to see forward.

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